A Letter To Douglas Carswell Of #Ukip

Dear Mr Carswell,

Douglas. Dougie. Mate!

So, how are things, hmm? Good. Listen, we've been thinking.

You know all those reasons you gave for leaving the Tories and joining Ukip?

We've just reviewed... and you've achieved all of those.

• A EU Referendum? Check.
• Freedom to speak on Brexit? Check.
• A shed load of publicity? Check.
• On TV a lot more? Check.

You've done well ! Really well.

So ... isn't it time you went home, now?

You see, everyone knows you've always been a Tory, really. You've voted constantly in Parliament with them, almost always against Ukip's agenda. So nothing very much has changed in that regard.

But you gave Ukip a legitimacy that you're probably regretting right now. It probably seemed a good idea at the time. You were unknown outside Clacton. Or even in Clacton.

But since day 1, you've never really been accepted, have you? Tories hated you for being Ukip. Ukip hated you for being still a Tory. You freely accepted being the 'acceptable face' of a Party of Hate, telling yourself, every day, "It's all for Brexit".

Thing is, Ukip have now officially disowned you. They no longer need you, or want you. Nigel says he barely remembers who you are. Party members abuse you constantly. And you're are a leading light in the Brexit Group which is a rival to Ukip's own, so you don't need them either.

Now you've got what you wanted, isn't it time you put your coat on, gave Paul Nuttall the finger (metaphorically, please) and headed back?

Is there any benefit, at all, to staying?

You wouldn't lose out financially - but Nigel would. Can't you just imagine the look on his face?

In happier times

Now consider this: The one thing holding back your Brexit dream in the next 80 days is probably the uncontrolled antics of Ukip. Nigel, the long time cheerleader for EU Exit, his 'Cash Daddy' Arron Banks, and his website scrawler, Kassam at Breitbart, are all fixated on bringing you down, as well as Suzanne. Not really a happy family, are you?

Frankly, you probably stand more chance of Brexit if you cut the ties with the clowns, and announce it publicly soon.

Oh, yeah, one last thing: Suzanne phoned, she wants to go with you.

Best to the wife and kids.

SLAT

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The Farage Rap - By @itsdanbull

Too damn good not to post, this. By Dan Bull - you can see more of his work here.

Outstanding piece of work we discovered a while ago, but never got round to sharing.

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The Man Who Cried EU! – A Modern Day Parable

Here’s our take on Nigel Farage and his answer to any question. His answer is always “Blame the EU” .. when it’s not “Blame the Gays” or Romanians or Syrians.

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This Is The Ukip Standard Of English

"Speak our language" Ukip say. Constantly.

Okay, Ukip, let's get all migrants to do that - as soon as you manage to;

1. Spell 'Independence' correctly (Clue - it's in your Party Title) and;
   
2. Spell your own Candidate's name properly.

This is the level of (lack of) professionalism we see day in, day out, from Ukip. And they, apparently, want people to trust them to run a country. This was from 2015 but has only just come to our attention.

Two major typos on one leaflet? That's a first, even for Ukip.

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Farage's Friend Marine Le Pen Awarded Political Liar Of The Year Award

From Francaise Local:

And the 'Liar Of The Year' award goes to ... Marine Le Pen.

European jury of Experts has chosen Marine Le Pen as the "political liar of the year", pointing to a series of occasions she has has shared misleading information - mostly about migrants.

The jury for Friday's prize was made up of a series of journalists and presided over by political scientist Thomas Guénolé, reported France Info.

Le Pen, the president of the anti-Europe and anti-immigration National Front, appeared to have tripped up most when it came to immigrant statistics.

More at Francaise Local.

Well, we're used to lies from Nigel Farage, of course, which so often go unchallenged by the media, but in France, they take their politicians head on.

It seems his BFF in the EU, Fascist Le Pen, not content with a court case for Racism and an investigation for Fraud, has now been caught just too many times telling porkies on live French TV.

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BNP Blame Muslims For Unexploded Nazi Bomb In London

Mention the words 'bomb' and 'London' and the knee-jerk hatefest from BNP and other Far Right Groups kicks into gear.

Except this bomb dated back to WWII. The unexploded Luftwaffe delivery was found on a building site near Victoria Station, but that didn't stop the loons pointing the finger at Islam.

Silly sods: #BNP blames unexploded World War 2 bomb in London on Muslim extremists... pic.twitter.com/5HRL0k2CGb

— Matthew Collins (@MattHopeNotHate) February 5, 2016

You can't make this comedy gold up - and thankfully we'll never have to.

 

Twitter responded as expected, of course.

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When We Write A Blog Piece And #Ukip Loons Respond ...

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On A Non #Ukip note: Let's Be Honest - #Trump Fans Are Not The Sharpest Knives

Oh, dear. Those expensive US College Educations really working out...

(H/T @AngrySalmond on Twitter)

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The SLATUKIP #TheKippas2015 - The Full List Of Awards

Here's the full list of KIPPAs Awards tweeted out tonight. Enjoy :-)

	And finally ...

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To Be A UKIP Twit On Twitter

To be a UKIP twit on Twitter
It helps if you're angry
Intolerant, mad or bitter,
You might be a spark,
Or a plumber or a gas fitter,
Who's jerb they took
Or maybe you think you're a big hitter
Or you just hate books like the Koran
And Muslims because they sit quietly and read it.

You might think the EU are Nazis
Or the Ayran race is supreme,
Perhaps you just hate the poor
Or perhaps you just like being mean?
To be a UKIP Twit on Twitter
Takes a certain kind of hate,
Maybe you just like to witter bullshit
Because you're just so so straight
And you don't like gay folk being gay
Yet read the Bible and choose to misread it.

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